I had thought for a long time if I should blog, on my break up. We had been together for 4 years. Yup, had been together for 1400 over days. I am sure people would be interested to know what happened?

Not to worry I am fine.

In fact, I have been thinking through and alot for the past few months ever since I came back from Bangkok last February. The trip felt different. It was more of accommodate me rather than going on a holiday. Both of us were broke, but manage to go for the holiday as I wanted to spiced up the relationship since Sg is boring and had nothing much to do. I wanted a breather after working in retail line as well. At that point of time, I missed my flying duties badly, like if there were to have x crew recruitment I would go for it. But that was in the beginning of the year, now that I have a $20ish k commitment and that it was not easy to reach this part as well. I had to work and as well as entertaining dumb asses in school and not forgetting workplace. It gets v political and sometimes I really wanted to give up. I get comment like change job again ? Flying is not a utmost choice. I mean I know being a crew is not the best. But at least I have aim on what I want to do. That is besides the point. I am trying my best to get used to the ground. I want to gain experience. I tell you its really not easy for me to adapt. It took me at least a year for me to adapt such change. Besides that, I had to juggle with my mom and dumb asses. I guessed he can also never understand that till he went for classes after work minus off the meeting of dumb asses in school. I felt lucky for him that he got sponsorship and had group of awesome friends to study and work together. He wasn't in my shoes and will never feel it.
Thus, I had been shopping online, clicking and commenting. I had even started to burnt a cigarette whenever I feel suffocated.

It is not that I want to keep to myself. It is the point where I work and school at the same time. I need a break from all this shit and that if I go out and relax, I don't want the day to be ended up a spoilt one, either I would explode or I have to spend my breath explaining and consoling. My head would hurt badly.

It was a rough decision. I tried to salvage but somehow I decided that certain words and actions from him stopped me. Moreover, it might be a joke/jokes but the content inside could actually hurt my dignity. I meant after all if you did love someone, you would not say things like that. In a relationship, I would love to share my happiness and joy, downs. I guessed I had revealed too much? that the words got even more sarcastic and that the conclusion was hard to accept.

Perhaps all along it was the communication error and the understanding went to the wrong directions.

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